LOL!!!

Dear Steph,

I don't really know how to tell you this, you're a leprechaun. I think I realized it when I finally changed my underwear at the mental hospital and I saw you carve your initials into my salt-beef bucket. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that we’re related. I'm returning your Hannah Montana underwear  to you, but I'll keep your glass eye as a memory. You should also know that I will not tell the authorities that you stole the whale from the backyard and I'm scratching my butt as you read this. 

Please don’t hurt me,

Nicholas

Anyone who found it funny should do it! Here's how:

Dear (someone you recently talked to), I don't really know how to tell you this,(1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning your (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11). 

(12), 
Name 

1) What's the color of your shirt? 
Blue - I'm in love with your cat 
Red - Our affair is over 
White - I’m joining the Convent 
Black -Our romance is over 
Green- Our socks don't match 
Grey - You're a leprechaun 
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy 
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting 
Brown - The mafia wants you 
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you 
Other -I dislike your eyelashes 

2) Which is your birth month? 
January - That night you picked your nose 
February -When I quoted Forrest Gump 
March - When your dwarf bit me 
April - When I tripped on peanut butter 
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer 
June - When you put cuffs on me 
July – When I saw the purple monkey 
August - When you smacked my ass 
September - Last year when you peed your pants 
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub 
November - When your dog humped my leg 
December - When I finally changed my underwear 

3) Which food do you prefer? 
Tacos - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub 
Chicken- In your car 
Pasta - Outside of your office 
Hamburgers - Under the bus 
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet 
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien 
Fish - In a clown suit 
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light 
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper 

4) What's the color of your socks? 
Yellow - Ignore 
Red - Put whipped cream on 
Black - Hit on 
Blue - Knock out 
Purple - Pour syrup on 
White - Carve your initials into 
Grey - Pull the clothes off 
Brown - bit of 
Orange - Castrate 
Pink - Pull the pants off of 
Barefoot - Sit on 
Other - Drive over 

5) What's the color of your underwear? 
Black - My boyfriend 
White - My father 
Grey – The Catholic Priest 
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie 
Purple - My corned beef hash 
Red – My knee caps 
Blue - My salt-beef bucket 
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana 
Orange - My Blink 182 cd 
Pink – My ‘My Little Pony’ collection 
Other --The elephant in the corner 

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV? 
One Tree Hill - Senile 
Heroes- Frostbitten 
Lost - High 
Simpsons- Cowardly 
The news - Scarred 
American Idol - Masochistic 
Family Guy - Open 
Top Model - Bitchy 
Annat -shamed 

7) Your mood right now? 
Happy - How awful you are 
Sad - How boring you are 
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men 
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit 
Depressed – That we’re related 
Excited - That I may pee my pants 
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you 
Worried - That your Ford sucks 
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change 
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes 
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist 
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid 
Other - That your driving sucks 

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom? 
White - Your toe ring 
Yellow - Your love letters to me 
Red - The pictures from Vegas 
Black - Your pet rock Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car Orange - Your false teeth 
Brown - Your nose hair clippers 
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear 
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket 
Pink - The cut toenails 
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear 

9) The first letter of your first name? 
A/B - My virginity 
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it 
E/F - Your neighbors dog 
G/H - The oil tank from your car 
I/J - Your left ear 
K/L - The results of that blood-sample 
M/N - Your glass eye 
O/P - My common sense 
Q/R - Your mom 
S/T - Your collection of butterflies 
U/V - Your criminal record 
W/X – Your suicide note 
Y/Z - Your credit cards 

10) The last letter in your last name? 
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass 
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks 
E/F -Never will forget that night 
G/H – Will not tell the authorities that you stole the whale from the backyard. 
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly 
K/L - Hate your cooking 
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching 
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises 
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs 
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet 
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart 
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month 
Y/Z – am better off without you 

11) What do you prefer to drink? 
Wine- Our friendship is ruined 
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon 
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an 
Eskimo Milk - The apartment building is on fire 
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this 
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice 
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war 
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked 
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird 
Whiskey - I love Oprah 
Winfrey Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine 
Other – you should stop picking your nose 

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation? 
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations 
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change 
France - Love always 
Spain - With tears of sadness 
China – You make me sick 
Germany – Please don’t hurt me 
Japan - Go milk a cow 
Greece - Your everlasting enemy 
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard 
Egypt – Kiss my butt 
England - Go drown yourself.
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